When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
