Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
