You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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