new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
