the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
