I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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