Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
