after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
