can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
