We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
