she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
