I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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