be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
