I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
