farters have to be the big spoon...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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