a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
