I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
