evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
