the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
