Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
