I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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