we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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