after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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