im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
