hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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