dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
