Porn is love you can see.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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