Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
