laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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