I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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