A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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