eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
