i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
