were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
