I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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