i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
