So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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