I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
