I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
