**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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