There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
