Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
