they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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