i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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