while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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