You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it's like iHOP with fire
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
