watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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