you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
