Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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