Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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