People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm always down for nudity.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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