First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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